Jar Of Hearts
by thepursuitofsassiness
Summary: take a liberal single mom with a smart mouthed kid mix that with a womanizing child-hating narcissistic jackass with a dash of nessie and jacob and you have the perfect mixture for a kick ass story to tell the grand kids
1. Chapter 1

**Hihi this is my first story on fanfiction...positive criticism is welcomed :) let's go on a journey you guys **

**WELCOME TO JAR OF HEARTS **

**BPOV**

It's just a simple town to town move nothing big I'll be there in four hours tops…boy was I wrong! Maybe if it was just little ol' me I would have been there on time; but there was no way I was leaving my son (yes I said SON) with those nut jobs I call my parents; don't get me wrong I love _all _my parents and by '_all_' I mean my dad, Charlie and his wife sue and my mom Renée and her husband Phil, they are all fantastic during the day time but as soon as the sun went down and the crickets begin to sing their tune, my parents would practice their very active EHEM! Sex life I mentally cringe every time I think about their first years of remarriage. My mom she was very um….eccentric, who am I kidding the woman was border lining crazy well not straight up cuckoo's nest crazy; I'm talking no filter connected from brain to mouth, spontaneous, electric and all that crazy fun stuff; she was even more so when it comes to sex, I remember when I was 16 and she told me about the birds and the bees…..

"Bella honey, can I talk to you for a sec? Renée said peeking her head into my bedroom.

"Sure mom, what's up?" I replied shifting to place my feet under my body.

"Well I'm here to talk to you about sex" she started. Now me being the shy girl that I was, my eyes were as wide as saucers."I know that this period in your life is a difficult one, especially when it comes to sex: all the hormones coursing through your veins, your heart, she's saying one thing, your body's saying another and your brain...let's face it, he packed his belongings and went on a cruise. Now honey I'm not asking you to wait till marriage, I certainly didn't also, asking for that would be like asking a goldfish not to swim, all I'm asking is that you are careful as to whom you choose to deflower you".

At this point my eyes were bulging out of their sockets "also honey I beg of you, please PLEASE use protection, the last thing you need is an STD, oh! I almost forgot, studded condoms are the best" her face broke out into a huge cheesy grin, I instantly knew what was coming "oh the things Phil can do with a studded condom" she sighed with a nostalgic look on her face, "dinner will be ready in about a hour" she said patting my thigh before prancing out the room like she was off to see the fucking wizard.

That was the single most traumatic day of my teenage life...of course back then i had no idea what real trauma was.

"Mom! I need to go to the restroom" Nate screeched from his car seat.

"But you went 10 minutes ago" I whined.

"But I didn't need to pee 10 minutes ago" he said jutting out his lower lip, I was about to scold him but he quivered is lip once and I was sold. "Mom I'm sorry but I do not plan out my peeing time, when I gotta go, i got to go now can I go pleasssssssse?"

"Fine" I huffed

_This kid is making me as soft as silly putty_

I hopped out the car and freed him from his seat; I walked him onto the sand and stood in front of him waiting for him to get on with it.

"Well…" I said trying to hurry him up, I was running late as it was.

"I can't go with you looking at my junk mom" he said matter-of-factly.

I sighed and turned around.

_I have created a six year old smartass_

Buzz!

I pulled my phone out my pocket; the caller's ID flashed Jake

"Hey jay what's up" I asked smiling to myself.

"Where the hell are you bells?" Jake yelled.

"Well, hello to you too Mr. Black and how are you this fine afternoon? I'm good thank you for asking" Jake huffed and I giggled.

"Hello Bella, I'm fine, your good so I'm good now where are you?" he rushed out in one breath.

"Chill, Uncle Jake we're about 45 minutes away from our new house, had to pull over for Nate to pee" I stressed.

"I'm done mom" Nate screamed making a mad dash for the car.

"NATHAN ELIJAH SWAN! What have I told you about running close to traffic" he skidded to a halt at the sound of my voice, he turned around with his head lowered to his shuffling feet.

"What did I say?" I coaxed

"Don't run near traffic unless you want to die" he recited.

"Good. I'll meet you at the house Jake, come here Nathan let's go" I grabbed his chubby little arm and led him to the car.

**EPOV**

"But I love you baby! Please don't leave me" she begged.

_OH MY FUCKING GOD! What have I gotten myself into?_

"Edward please…tell me you feel this connection"

_Oh god! I rolled my eyes, is this girl shitting me, I've known her for one day; I don't even REALLY know her! Hell the only bloody connection I got was my dick to her pussy, and babe it was not that good of a connection. What is this world coming to…you fuck a girl once and she's already paying for burial plots and saying shit like "let's run away and make this love last forever" it's_ _like a bad mtv screening. I should probably say something but what's her name again Tami...Toni…Tanya…TANYA! Yea that's it_

"Tanya, listen, you're a great, _great _girl, and really you are" I said as convincingly as I could muster up. "It's me ,not you" in any other instance I would be bending over backwards in hysterics at this lame and immensely over used phrase but right now I wanted to cry like a new born getting it's ass popped.

"I'm not ready for this kind of commitment" I pointed between us "but it was fun and I really enjoyed myself, I truly am sorry"

_I need to get the hell out of here._

"But baby I can make it all better just let me" she wined fingering the buttons of my shirt

_I wonder what mom is cooking._

"Whoa there Toni" I shouted when I felt a hand at my belt.

"It's Tanya"

"Yea that, I'm gonna go" I literally sprinted out of that apartment as fast as my legs allowed I could hear her stamping and cursing me. Sheesh women were so damn predicable. I know I was good, hell I'm the best she probably had , but honestly just cause I hit it good with you does not mean I wanna marry you . Bloody hell woman! Marriage…HA... as if. One pussy a day was not for me .And Kids, ha fat chance, the little shit-lets, did not exist in my fucking prefect world.

With a sigh, I climbed into my car, Sophia, the only woman I will ever love, and took a deep breath. I was horny that was sure, and that bitch up stairs was way out of the picture. If I go up there for seconds she'll probably think it's a damn proposal. Nah, this big boy (and I mean big boy) has got better, and tighter, fish to fry.

I rolled the roof of my car down, inhaled the clean air, flicked on the radio, shoved on my sunglasses, started my engine and said " Ah well, its on to the next one." thinking of the nice juicy blonde I could easily pick up at the down town bar, so what if it was 2 in the afternoon, she would be there and with a click of my finger she would be in my bed. Yep life was good ... real fucking good.

**Soooooooooo what do you think (crossing my fingers) was it good? First Story first chapter any good advice you guys? **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hiya readers! Eh sorry I took so long to update...I had a writer's block the size of fucking Texas and besides what kind of person updates during the holidays...I hope this chapter makes up for my tardiness =] much love to my best friend/pre-reader/co-writer minetillmidnight check out her fanfic my biggest fear; that's one kick ass Embry imprint story. STORY** **TIME!**

Oh god! Yesssssssssss!

_Thrust _

_Whimper_

I was at the edge moments, seconds away from falling over my body quivering as I stared at the man thrust into my core my orgasm threatening to rip me in two Just a little more and I'll be falling into oblivion .

"Faster…faster" I breathed I felt the scorching heat radiating from the pit of my stomach I braced my self for the finale, my body shivering uncontrollably

Just one more thrust and I'll be there

Lollipop, lollipop oh lolly lollipop, lollipop bum Dum bum bum, hey pretty baby tell me why your kisses sweeter than a cherry pie…..

What the fuck! Where is that music coming from I whipped my head around searching for the guilty person that ruined my moment

"Mom! Get up it's an emegencity"

"Huh?" I yarned rubbing the sleep out of my eye.

"I _said_ it's an emerncy" Nate screamed pulling off my covers.

Emerncy? Oh emergency!

"What happened? Are you ok?" I scrambled out the bed, inspecting him

_Arms check_

_Legs check_

_Head check _

_Feet check _

_Butt check_

"Nothing happened to me mom. It's down stairs" he whispered

I grabbed my mace from the bedside drawer and we both moved tentatively down the stairs.

_Yea I have a bottle of mace I my drawer don't judge me._

'Where is it?" I whispered to Nate

"In the living room"

We made our way to the living room and for some odd reason I kept hearing the song from jaws as we came closer to the crime scene.

I jumped into the room with the mace straight out in front of me ready to attack. I was greeted by an empty room.

"Nate…."

"Yes mom" he said sweetly.

"Where is the _emerncy_?"

"Its right there" he said pointing to the television "my planet 51 DVD froze" he pouted

"Oh god lord" I grumbled plopping my self down in the sofa.

_I went all mission impossible for a stuck DVD…but on the plus side, it explained the weird background music imagine watching a porno with that music as the back drop talk about the ultimate mood killer._

My eyes shifted towards the clock

7:40! Oh shit I had fifteen minutes before the school bus came and I didn't want my kid to be late for his first day of school scooped him into my arms and rain up the stairs to the shower.

"You; Bathe as fast and get dressed as possible cha-pesh" I made a bee line to his room picked his clothes and sprinted towards the kitchen taking the stairs two at a time, god must have been feeling _real sorry_ for me cause on any other day I would have a sprain joint a concussion and a couple broken bones from scaling these stairs I was bouncing around the kitchen like Marta Stewart fresh out of a crack house making both breakfast and lunch, that was the fastest I've ever put together a meal.

"All done mom" Nate stepped into the kitchen

"Here" I said handing him a piece of toast and some grape juice. I went to sit next to him

"Don't sit just yet mom, I still need shoes" he smiled wiggling his toes at me.

"Grr!" I said smiling at him. I rushed up stairs to look for shoes

It had been three days since we moved but, the house was mostly settled but I just never got around to packing the shoes I grabbed the first pair of shoes which happened to be his black all-stars and I grabbed his backpack and headed back to Nate, he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs I placed his things next to him, he pulled on his shoes and I bent to tie his laces but he stopped me.

"I'll do it mom"

I stood watching him, and my heart swelled with pride

"Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? It's a very easy thing to do. So sit on down and I'll give you the scoop. What's that? It's called the loop-de-loop. You gotta take a lace in each hand. Go over and under again. You make a loop-de loop then pull" he sang.  
And your shoes are lookin' cool. You go over and back. Left to right Loop de loop and you pull them tight. Like bunny ears or a Christmas bow. Lace 'em up and you're ready to go. You make a loop-de-loop then pull. You make a loop-de-loop then pull. And your shoes are looking' cool" he jumped to his feet and presented his newly laced boots to me with a huge grin.

_Bless your soul SpongeBob SquarePants _

"Great job baby" I saw the school bus pulling up.

"Time to go squirt" I opened the door and he picked up his bag and we walked to the bus. It was a bitter sweet moment I hated it that he grew up so fast just a short while back he was just my little nudger.

"You can kiss me if you want to mom" no doubt noticing the sadness in my eyes.

I kneeled down and planted a big kiss on his cheek "Have a great day at school my handsome boy"

"Love you mom" he whispered

"Love you too"

With that said he got on the bus and I stood there staring at it until it turned the corner.

"OH shit" I grumbled now aware that I was standing at the curb staring at thin air in my pajamas.

I ran into the house to get on with my day.

**EPOV **

It was going to be a bad day. Strange as it would have seemed, I just knew today is going to be bad, real bad. For starters, I was up at 8: 00 am with a God awful headache, which was the compliment of one Miss Maria Heartland. Now I don't like to brag but, boy was Miss Heartland one good romp in the sack. If you had one sexy looking blonde babe at you're disposal and the only way to get her to come home with you was to tell her that the vodka was slightly off water and the tequila was lightly coloured lemonade. What? I know no means no, but there's not anything in the laws that said it a slurred yes is a wrong yes .So anyways, here I was waking up to a pounding hangover and excruciating bells. Or so I thought.

"I'm coming. " I screamed at the door bell. I scrambled out of bed, scratching the sheet along with my naked body. I reached the front door and jerked it opened. "What?" I bellowed.

Big mistake

"Is that how I raised you?" yelled the shrill voice of my mother.

I winced. "Hello mother."

"Don't hello mother me." She screeched as she rushed pass me into the kitchen. "Have you no manners?"

Emse Cullen was elegant in her white cotton dress that just screamed some fancy French designer, whose name I had no idea how to spell but sure as rain would be very expensive as hell. I'm sure my father must be dealing with the bill now seeing as how my mother had a bunch of bags draped around her arms. She paused in the small living room, dropping bags onto my couch, one that she bought was girly and a seriously ugly shade of red.

"Well?" she said hands now on her hips. "Aren't you going to give your mother a kiss?"

"Hello mother." I said as I made my way to her side placing a solid kiss upon her perfectively made up cheek, brushing at the brown curls tucked neatly into place on top of her strong proud head. "What are you doing here?" I asked getting straight to the point.

"Well," she said moving straight into the large kitchen. "I was in the neighborhood and decided that I would make my son breakfast" she started opening and closing cabinets, wrapping an apron around her waist as she did so. "This way at least I will know that you are properly fed and have _proper_ female company. A man can only go so far without _proper_ female company."

Oh God, not this shit again.

I groaned,

"Mother I have all the female company that I need."

She raised her eyebrows. "I said _proper_ female company, not those harlots you insist on dragging in and out this house with."

With a wooden spoon in hand she advanced towards me.

"When am I going to have grand babies Edward?" she said wiggling the wooden spoon in front of my face. I backed away; I had too many experiences with her and her '_accidental'_ hits.

"I could die any day and then my grandbabies will never know I exist." She said with a dramatic sigh.

I snorted at this. As if, she would probably out live all her children just to spite them all.

"You have Jasper and Alice, plus Rosalie and Emmett, who I'm sure wouldn't mind bumping the uglies out of each other just to give you the little rug rats that you want. So leave me alone woman."

She aimed a shot at me but I dodged out of the way. "Here I am making you breakfast and you have the gall to insult me."

"I didn't ask for you to make me breakfast, did I?"

She scowled at me.

"Go buy eggs."

This I wasn't expecting.

"What?"

She shook her head at the ceiling muttering about how she could ever give birth to such dim witted children. "Eggs Edward, eggs," she repeated again. "You're out of eggs; if you want me to make breakfast then you have to go buy eggs"

I was not going to go to the supermarket this early, times like this; I would be still rolling around in bed sleeping or rubbing off a hard one to my dreams. "I'm not going, make something else." I said moving to sit by the island in the kitchen.

"How about pancakes?" I suggested.

She opened the cupboard again.

"There isn't any."

"French toast then."

She opened back the cupboard.

"No bread or EGGS" She said frowning.

"Sausages"

She opened the fridge.

"No sausages."

I groaned. "Cereal"

She shot me a furious look, Yea that's right, I almost forgot. Emse Cullen does not feed her children cereal that's like giving them poison.

"Right," I said getting up and grabbing my keys.

"To the supermarket then"

I left her in the kitchen with her satisfied smile on her face while I grabbed a white t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. As I opened the front door morning sun shone brightly in my eyes. I groaned.

"Freaking mothers, and their ridiculous breakfast before noon shit"

"I heard that!" her voice echoed from the kitchen. I winced guilty.

As I pulled out into the main street, I found myself in a fucking rush hour. The grocery store was about a 20 minutes drive but it was on one of the busiest streets ever.

I was in a hurry. What? I was hungry. So I did the best thing I could think off. I cut of the small blue Sedan that was in front of me, so that whoever was driving would have to stop for the red light while I didn't have to. The person, a woman by the sound of it, screamed that I just made her late and that I was an asshole. Ha, I just flipped her the bird.

I parked the car in the parking lot and after several pickups of groceries, I found myself at the milk section completely confused. Usually someone does the groceries shopping for me for me, this was stressful Low fat or regular, chocolate or vanilla, strawberry or banana, skim or no skim. Oh for the love of God. Milk was milk wasn't it.

"Excuse me" heard a small voice. I looked to my side, no one; I looked to the other still no one, Weird.

"Hey," said the voice again this time with some tugging on my white t- shirt. What the hell?

"I'm down here."

I looked down, surprised to see two big golden brown eyes staring at me. A kid, I winced, Lord I hate kids. This one didn't look more then 5 or 6 tops. "I'm not buying you anything so beat it." I said turning back to my milk.

"I don't want you to get me anything." He said tugging on my t- shirt again. "I'm lost."

"Bummer" I said and randomly picked up a milk cartoon. Took one look at the kid and said "See ya."

"Wait," he wailed running after me nearly tripping on his untied shoelaces, "aren't you gonna help me?" His eyes started to gloss over and his lip start to shake. "Mummy said if I ever got lost to look for the biggest person I saw and let them help me." Tears started coming down his face. "Why wouldn't you help me?" He asked again starting up with the waterfall of tears.

"Ah hell" Great, Just fucking great The kid was whimpering and drawing weird stares from the rest of the women in the aisle. "Shit."

I crouched down to the level of the kid; I sort of drew him in awkwardly and patted his back. I shot a reassuring smile to an older woman in the aisle. She frowned at me and hurried away; probably to call the cops or something.

"Shit." I mumbled again.

The kid inside my arms refused to calm down. I picked him up and lead him to the cashier, who give me an odd look, cash my bags and then I practically dragged the kid to the exit. I spotted the old woman talking to a person that looked like the manager, pointing at me.

"Shit." I panicked. It must have looked bad; a man who didn't look anything like the screaming kid in his arms, dragging him out of a supermarket Double shit.

I strolled out of the supermarket, trying to act cool while fighting a screaming kid and then took him to my car. I'll take him home and try to figure out what the hell was up with him.

As I opened my car door shoved the bags in the back and placed the kid who, at seeing the shinny new car, shut up rather quickly, though hiccupping slightly, and asked.

"Is this your car? are you taking me to my mummy?" then after a paused after I hooked him up tight to the seat with the seatbelt and made my way to my side of the car, kicked the car to start and zoomed out of the parking lot. "Your not kidhappening me are you?"

I laughed. "No I'm not _kidnappin_g you."

_But it sure feels like it_.

"I'm taking you to my mother; she should know what to do."

He seemed content with this and stared out the window singing to him self, patting the book bag that I didn't notice before, I winced when he hit a particular long note.

God I hope my mom knows what to do or else I'm going to be so fucking screwed.


End file.
